Review of "The Dark Knight Rises" (Major spoilers)

Bruce Kanin   July 22, 2012

Just came back from a 5:20AM showing of this movie. I wanted to see it in IMAX 3-D but two-thirds of the way through realized that no one offered me the 3-D glasses and that the theater was only featuring it in "plain old" IMAX. Chalk that up to the early start and missing out on my morning coffee, but then again, the film provided all the caffeine needed.

The final installment of Christopher Nolan's Batman trilogy can be summed up as "non-stop action" or "busy and confusing". The confusing part partially comes from not being able to understand some of the characters' dialogue. This includes The Batman himself, who still sports an annoying, raspy voice that can be characterized as a strong whisper on steroids. (It was, perhaps, less annoying than in the prior two movies, though.)

But it also includes the new villain, Bane (not to be confused with the company Mitt Romney ran, "Bain Capital"), who, along with his own often unintelligible voice reminded me all too often of Darth Vader (uh, on steroids). Bane was menacing and someone to be feared, but not as colorful (literally and figuratively) as either the Jack Nicholson or Heath Ledger Jokers. All one had to do was to disable Bane's face mask, as Batman does near the end, and Bane becomes no more threatening than, say, Hulk Hogan.

Bane aside, my biggest issue with "The Dark Knight Rises" was the same trouble I had with "Batman Begins", and that was the villain's motive. In both cases, it was the destruction of Gotham City. Mind you, in this movie, this unfolds in spectacular fashion that is unfortunately all-too reminiscent of not only 9-11 but even the horrible movie massacre outside Denver at a midnight showing of this movie.

Anyway, I didn't get Ra's Al Ghul's (why does he deserve two apostrophe s's?) motive for destroying Gotham in the first one, and didn't get it here, except for the fact that Bane turns out to be Ra's son, and is following in his footsteps - revenge in Pa Ghul's name.

Speaking of Bane, what renders him anemic, in the end - literally near the end of the movie - is his sister - yes, sister, the Daughter of the Demon herself, Talia, who reveals herself as the true revenger against Gotham in the name of her dad. In the end, she is shown to be Bane's boss, and for me, it knocked him down a few notches on the villain scale.

As for the end - the end before the end - in which Batman saves Gotham City by transporting an A-bomb out to sea - that seemed very familiar. Didn't that happen in "The Avengers"? Or something similar, at the end?

There was a lot of confusion and some inexplicable sequences. Why did Blake, the cop (more on him soon), go to rescue Gordon in the hospital and at the same time Bane's goons were going there? I thought the bomb was disarmed by Gordon - but it wasn't? I guess I just didn't hear the explanation for that from, perhaps Talia.

Does it sound like I didn't like the movie? Maybe it sounds that way. However, I really did enjoy it from start to finish, the start being the "Man of Steel" teaser during the coming attractions. They included several elements from the comics, somewhat faithfully, if jumbled together, e.g., the mini-series on Gotham's destruction; "Knightfall"(in which Bane breaks Batman's back and then a crippled Bruce Wayne comes back to defeat him); Catwoman's background, including a suggestion of her liking female companionship; the first appearance of Talia (and apparently her last), with a nice surprise about her past, in prison; and other aspects I am momentarily forgetting.

I utterly loved the end of the end, in which (REMEMBER THE SPOILER ALERT) we find that Bruce Wayne is alive and hanging out with Selina Kyla in Paris - and Blake, the cop, well, that's not his real name, his real name is apparently ... Robin. He's shown discovering the Bat Cave, perhaps planting a seed for another Batman movie series. Too bad, though, that his real name wasn't Dick Grayson. Wonder why they did that, other than "Robin" being a more well-known name than "Dick Grayson".

My favorite movies are about heroes who are seemingly defeated. Their chips are down - way down - and then they come back to vanquish evil. For all its faults, "Superman II" was like that, because a powerless Clark Kent saw that the world needed Superman on a diner's TV and found a way to come back to defeat the Phantom Zone criminals.

In "Face Off", Nicholas Cage (as John Travolta's character) is at rock bottom with the wrong face and a hopeless situation in prison - and comes back to defeat his adversary.

The crew of the Starship Enterprise are about to be thwarted in their quest to recover Mr. Spock's body to join it with his Katra - thwarted by Klingons and an exploding Genesis planet. But they manage to overcome those odds and even greater heights via that movie's sequel.

So in "The Dark Knight Rises", it was a thrill to see Bruce Wayne at rock bottom - his back broken by Bane - and off in a prison on the other side of the world. He actually comes back a bit too easily for my taste but there was no other way it to happen I guess.

To sum it up... "The Dark Knight Rises" is like the other two Christopher Nolan Batman movies. Exciting and a solid portrayal of Batman / Bruce Wayne (although his Batman is still not as dark as I'd have made him) but, like the other two, a movie I'll probably only see once, because it's too long and too intense...

...unless I go back and see it in 3-D ;)

-Bruce

Imagined Scene Cut from Star Trek V: The Final Frontier

Imagined Scene Cut from Star Trek V: The Final Frontier

-Bruce Kanin; May 10, 2012

The movie Star Trek V: The Final Frontier was story about the Enterprise on a quest to seek … God. The starship and its crew have been hijacked by Sybok, half-brother of the ship’s First Officer, Mr. Spock. Sybok has the apparent ability to meld with people in such a way that he brings their most excruciating, deep-buried memories to the surface in order to help them to make peace with these thoughts. A side effect of this meld causes those experiencing it to become, in effect, a follower of Sybok.

As a result, Sybok, needing a starship to reach the center of the universe from which “God” appears to call him, captures the Enterprise and, using his abilities, influences the crew to set course per his instructions.

However, Captain Kirk, Mr. Spock and Dr. McCoy find ways to evade Sybok, his minions who have come on-board, and even brainwashed crew members. But ultimately the Captain, First Officer and Doctor are cornered, thus allowing Sybok to meld with them and to unearth their deepest pain such that they can be converted to his cause.

For McCoy, Sybok touches the doctor’s grief that is borne from his decision to euthanize his elderly father not long before a cure for his dad’s terminal ailment has been found.

For Spock, it is the rejection experienced way back when he was born and scorned as a “half-breed” by his own father – half Vulcan, half Human.

But as shown in the movie, Kirk manages to avoid the meld with Sybok, saying that he needs his pain, because it makes him what he is. That comment evokes the early first season episode of Star Trek, “The Enemy Within”, in which a transporter accident splits Kirk into his “good” and “evil” halves. In that episode it is Kirk, Spock and McCoy who observe that the good and evil halves of a person are both needed to complete someone’s persona – and enable them to survive.

So in Star Trek V: The Voyage Home, we don’t get to see Kirk feel his pain nor do we know just what that might be, assuming he even has some kind of deep, dark angst. However, if we think back to the original series, there are a few episodes that end with Kirk having faced some kind of personal pain. One is the third-season story, “The Paradise Syndrome”, in which an amnesiac Kirk marries a native woman on a distant planet, only to watch her die once his memory returns.

Another, it could be argued, is “Turnabout Intruder”, the final episode of the series, in which Kirk deals with a woman he once loved, but who now scorns him and has effectively gone mad. His angst is that he was never able to help her. The episode does not end all that happily for the woman, or for Kirk.

To me, though, those two episodes pale in comparison with what is arguably the best episode of the series and perhaps the franchise. It is one that is universally acclaimed and as well won the Sci-Fi world’s Hugo Award.

This episode is, of course, “The City on the Edge of Forever”. For the few people who’ve never seen it, the story involves a deranged Doctor McCoy using a time portal to change history such that the Earth isn’t the same. His actions indirectly result in the Federation, including the Enterprise, no longer existing – at least as far as Kirk and co. knew them. A landing party, consisting of Kirk, Spock and others, become stranded on a strange planet containing the time portal.

In an attempt to resolve the situation, Kirk and Spock use the portal to go back in time in order to somehow find and stop McCoy before he can alter history. While doing so, Kirk meets a social worker in 1930s New York City named Edith Keeler, who turns out to be the focal point of their time trip: McCoy had gone back and prevented her from dying – that resulted in a cascade of changes affecting the future. But Kirk and Spock learn that Keeler must die, just as she did before McCoy used the time portal, in order to set things straight.

There’s only one problem: Kirk, originally not knowing that Edith Keeler was the focal point who needs to die, has fallen head over heels in love with her.

And so, at the episode’s climax, when Kirk and Spock have caught up with a now-recovered McCoy, the Captain must choose between letting McCoy save Edith Keeler’s life – thereby resulting in a chain reaction of events triggered by Edith later in her life that doom Earth to a future in which Nazi Germany conquers the Earth and ultimately no United Federation of Planets exists – or - letting her die in traffic as she crosses the street, as she was supposed to - thus preserving the future known by the Enterprise trio.

It is a riveting and emotional scene. As Kirk and Spock are unexpectedly reunited with McCoy, Keeler sees them and crosses the busy street. Kirk’s instinct is to run out and save her from being killed, but Spock, knowing the consequences, yells, “No, Jim!”

McCoy then attempts to run out to Edith, and Kirk stops him. After they hear Edith’s screams, knowing what has happened, McCoy angrily says to Kirk, “You deliberately stopped me, Jim. I could have saved her. Do you know what you just did?”

As Kirk pulls away from his friend in grief, Spock says, “He knows, Doctor. He knows.”

And soon we see the Enterprise trio back in their “present”, with all things “restored”. Kirk gives the command, “Let’s get the hell out of here”, meaning to beam back up to the Enterprise, and the episode ends.

We clearly see Kirk’s anguish because he had the woman he loved die. It’s hard to imagine any viewer not feeling the power of this scene and the devastating impact on Kirk. Only a handful of the Star Trek franchise TV episodes can make that claim (TNG’s “The Inner Light” and DS9’s “Children of Time” are other examples).

As such, not long after seeing Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, I wondered if, instead of Kirk opting out of the Sybok mind meld, things could have gone differently…

On the Enterprise, Sybok has hijacked the ship and its crew, except for Kirk, Spock and McCoy. But finally, he corrals them and has just melded with McCoy and then Spock. Now it’s Kirk’s turn…

Despite Kirk’s protests, Sybok managed to place his hand on the Captain’s forehead. Jim Kirk continued to resist, but the Vulcan was overpowering. Soon ancient thoughts flooded through Kirk’s mind – memories he tried to suppress for a long time – very deep memories.

…The bridge of the Enterprise and Spock reporting of ripples in time.

…A hypo pumped into McCoy, enraging him and resulting in him beaming down to a strange planet below -  the one generating the ripples in time.

…Kirk, along with Spock, Scott, Uhura and two security men, beam down to search for McCoy and discover a bizarre object they learn is the Guardian of Forever – a time portal.

…A still-crazed McCoy leaping through the portal, causing the Enterprise to disappear from orbit and, as they learn from the Guardian, history changing drastically.

…Kirk and Spock leaping through the Guardian’s portal, as well, in an attempt to restore things to normal by preventing McCoy from changing history.

…And then in 1930s New York, the pair meeting Edith Keeler, with Kirk falling in love – and learning from Spock that she is tragically the “focal point” who must die.

…Finally, outside Edith Keeler’s mission for homeless people, Kirk allowing her to die in order to save the universe.

Kirk remembered all this now – the sound of Edith’s voice, her scent, her touch, her grand ideas well before her time, and her beauty. He wondered how things might have been. But then he recalled the deeply excruciating decision he had to make.

The universe saved in exchange for a woman’s life – not just any woman – but the woman he fell in love with.

Via Sybok’s meld, the Captain stood there in limbo, not in the past, anymore. He stood in darkness. But then a light shone on his face, and in the distance he heard a voice.

“Jim.”

Kirk said nothing. He wanted to hear the voice speak once again.

“Jim, why did you let me die?”

Kirk recognized the voice but didn’t dare respond, because it was too unbelievable.

“Jim. Or should I call you … Captain, like Spock would?”

Kirk whispered, “Edith?”

A shadow moved and then, “Your friend Doctor McCoy. You, he and Spock. All men out of place. And time. Why were you there?”

The captain swallowed. “We… Spock and I. Had to make things … right.”

The shadow moved forward so that Kirk could see its face. It was as young and sweet as he had last seen it. The voice laughed. “Make things right?”

“Yes.”

“By allowing me to die?”

“It was the only way.” Kirk choked back the next words. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry.”

And then Spock, out of nowhere, appeared. “Miss Keeler.”

“Mister Spock.”

“Jim Kirk has never made a greater sacrifice. Perhaps no one has had to quite like he did, for Jim had to give up the woman he loved to save the millions – or billions who would have died - had he not done that.”

Now Spock was standing next to Kirk, and Edith Keeler moved closer to them. She was partly in light, partly in dark. She said, “I don’t understand.”

And now McCoy appeared. “Edith. Jim Kirk stopped me from saving you. And for a moment, I didn’t understand, either. For that moment, I hated him for what he did.”

Edith said, “But you three are friends. Good friends. I could see that back then, and I see that now. You… love each other, like brothers.”

Kirk smiled, “Yes, that’s true. We are like brothers.”

And then, in the wink of an eye, Kirk, Spock and McCoy were back on the Enterprise, standing before Sybok. Kirk turned to Spock’s half brother and said, “Sybok, what just happened?”

Sybok put a hand on Kirk’s shoulder. “You faced a demon.”

Kirk said, “Certainly not Edith. Edith Keeler?”

McCoy interceded. “No, Jim. I don’t think Sybok means that.”

Sybok nodded. “You went back to a terrible choice you had to make. A decision that was like no other you or most other people have not had to make. And you faced it.”

Kirk looked beyond Sybok, thinking out loud. “I’ve always wondered what would have happened if…” He then looked at McCoy, “I’d have let you save her, Bones.”

Spock then joined in, “But you know Jim, you know what would have happened. And you know you made the correct decision.”

Kirk wondered, “The right decision for everyone … except Edith.”

McCoy said, putting a hand on Kirk’s shoulder. “Maybe not, Jim. Given what you and Spock learned would have happened, who knows if you spared her a terrible future, too.”

Spock replied, “We’ll never know, Doctor.”

Kirk said, “Gentlemen, there’s no sense discussing this further. I will say that” he spun around to face Sybok “I do feel a sense of … peace … facing this after so much time has passed.” He offered a curt smile. “Thank you, Sybok.”

Sybok smiled and nodded, but said nothing.

Kirk continued, “Now. About my ship…”

Star Trek V: The Final Frontier came after a crackerjack trilogy of Star Trek movies, i.e., The Wrath of Khan; The Search for Spock; and The Voyage Home. To be honest, they were a difficult act to follow, so to speak, so it’s no doubt that The Final Frontier was a letdown and didn’t fare as well as its predecessors at the box office.

However, The Final Frontier, as good as portions of it were, would have at best made a decent TV series episode. It was not not up to par as a movie – certainly not like its three immediate predecessors. That was perhaps due to budget cuts, a bit too much comedy and, in the end, a fairly ordinary threat or “enemy”.

Having said that, the opinion here is that adding a scene for Kirk in which he “encounters” Edith Keeler would have raised it a notch. Granted, it would have just been a five- or ten-minute scene, but it might have packed a punch. Certainly long-time fans might have had a greater appreciation for the movie with that scene in it.

Whether they would have gotten Joan Collins to reprise her role as Edith Keeler is another story…

-Bruce

The 2nd 2012 Republican Debate from BK’s basement

The 2^nd 2012 Republican Debate from BK’s basement

(This takes place before Rick Santorum dropped out)

Bruce: Mr. Romney, you have the first question. It’s from our panel.

Romney: (nervous chuckle) You’re very funny, Bruce. You’re the only one on the panel.

Bruce: Milt, just recently—

Romney: Excuse me?

Bruce: I was just starting to ask you the first question.

Romney: I thought I heard you call me ‘Milt’.

Bruce: Yes?

Romney: (nervous smile) First of all, out of courtesy, you really should address me as Governor—

Rick Santorum (looking at Romney): Mitt, don’t bother. I’ve been through this with him.

Romney (turning to look at Santorum but then back at Bruce): Maybe so, but I won’t tolerate it. It’s disrespectful for one.

Bruce: Oh?

Romney: And furthermore – furthermore, my name’s ‘Mitt’.

Newt: Fundamentally, that’s wrong, Governor. Your first name is ‘Willard’.

Bruce: Thanks, Newt.

Romney: Yes, but that’s not—

Bruce: Tell you what, Milt. I’ll call you by your Christian first name – Willard. Now, let’s move on.

Romney (red in the face): …

Bruce: Willard, the Obama Administration negotiated a deal with North Korea such that they will allow their nuclear complex to be monitored in exchange for foreign aid, food, specifically, from the United States.

Romney: You know what? I’m quitting this debate. If you can’t be respectful, I’m not going to stay.

Romney struggles to move from his podium.

Romney: Hey, how come I can’t move? What’s going on?

Ron Paul (chuckling and looking at Bruce): Worked like you thought it would, Bruce.

Bruce: Thank you, Doctor Paul.

Ron Paul (looking at Romney): He slipped you a paralysis drug, Mitt. It’s in your bottle of water right there (points at podium). Figured you’d want to bail. Now, as a Libertarian, I think he violated your Constitutional rights. But I have to say, it’s pretty funny.

Romney: This is outrageous!

Ron Paul (smiling): Yeah.

Romney: Well, I just won’t answer any questions!

Bruce (nodding a finger): Now, Willard…

Ron Paul (again looking at Romney): There was quite a bit of truth serum in that concoction, too. Should be quite an experience to hear you be honest for a change, Mittocchio.

Bruce: Now, Willard, about North Korea. You commented on the Administration’s actions, saying, quote “We should not be providing aid to dictatorships and enemies. This is yet another example of Barack Obama pandering to foes and squandering our precious natural resources.”

Romney (calming down): That’s correct.

Bruce: Willie, you do realize that the last significant effort to negotiate the dismantling of North Korea’s nuclear weapons collapsed in the waning weeks of George W. Bush’s presidency more than three years ago?

Romney: Yes, so?

Bruce: So you realize then that Obama succeeded, or is succeeding, or at least making progress, towards having North Korea’s nuclear capability under control? Something his Republican predecessor failed at?

Romney: I will stand by what I said. He’s pandering and squandering. It’s been the hallmark of his Presidency. As President, I would—

Bruce: Yes, Will, what would you do as President? What would you do differently with Korea?

Romney: I’d tell Kim Jong-un, in no uncertain terms, that we would impose sanctions unless North Korea’s nuclear arsenal was dismantled.

Bruce: And if he refused, would all retaliatory options be on the table, including military action?

Romney: Well, any responsible President would leave all options open to him.

Bruce: Yes, but we’re talking about you, Milt.

Romney (seething, but unable to move and compelled to respond): Yes, even military action.

Bruce: So let me understand, Milt, you’d risk a nuclear war with North Korea, and maybe even China, for all we know, when a peaceful and orderly path towards possible North Korea disarmament – the one being taken by President Obama – is clearly available? Does that make sense?

Romney: Well, I—

Bruce: Governor—

Romney: Well, finally—

Bruce: If President Obama singlehandedly defended the Earth from an alien attack – no loss of life or damage to our planet – at no cost, either – I’d wager that you and most of your spineless, soulless and selfish Republican colleagues, some of whom share the stage, many of whom are in Congress, and others who are employed by FOX News – I’d say that they’d find all sorts of faults with his actions.

Romney just stares and then says: You know, Bruce, if you’re so smart, why don’t you get up here on stage. Just you and me. Mano a mano, as they say in, uh, Switzerland.

Bruce: Milton, no thanks. I’ll concede right here and now the fact that all America knows, that I’m no match for you as a mass debater.

Romney thinks about what Bruce has said and quizzically cocks his head.

Bruce: Anyway, clearly – and to borrow the only word in your elitist vocabulary, Newt – and fundamentally, Milt – you are in this for yourself and you will say anything to anyone in an effort to become President. And I’ll bet if I gave you a stronger dose of truth serum, you’d actually start to say nice things about President Obama, because deep down in that mass of scarily religious protoplasm you harbor positive thoughts about his actions – starting with health care.

Bruce: In fact, I did give you a stronger, time-delayed dose of truth serum.

Ron Paul (grinning): He did, Mitt. I saw it. And I’m a doctor.

Romney: You know, Bruce. I couldn’t agree with you more.

Bruce: Amen.

At the DC Entertainment staff meeting

Diane Nelson’s monthly DC Entertainment May 2012 monthly staff meeting

Big oval conference room at 1700 Broadway, New York. 10AM Monday morning. Several men and women standing and sitting around the table. Lots of conversations.

At 10:08, Diane’s admin, Chris, pops in, speaking to everyone in the room: “Diane’s 8 o’clock is running over. She should be here in about 5-10 minutes.”

The buzz of conversations continues.

Jim: “Avengers was kick-ass.”

Bob: “I can’t believe how they balanced the time for each superhero. I mean, I thought it would be, like Iron Man 3, but they did a great job showcasing everyone.”

Greg (high fives with Bob): “Awesome Avengers.”

Pat: “Oh…my…god… I could have snuggled with each of them. Mark Ruffalo, what a hunk. Chis Hemsworth. I can’t tell you what he does for me. Sinful.”

Greg: “Hey Pat, I’m seeing a little grey in your mustache.”

Pat: “Dang.”

Wally: “I can’t believe there’s gonna be another superhero movie this summer.”

Sally: “You mean the new Batman?”

Wally: “Oh yeah, forgot about that. No, Sal. ‘Amazing Spider-Man’.”

Sally: “The reboot. That’s right. How could I forget? I love Emma Stone!”

Wally: “Gwen Stacy!”

Pete: “Don’t forget The Lizard’s gonna be in it.”

Mark: “Hey and next year, Captain America 2 plus Iron Man 3.”

Eunice: “Thor 2, too!”

Benny: “Thor Twenty-two?”

Several eyes roll and Benny just smiles at his silly comment as Diane Nelson strolls in. Everyone sits down and the conference room door is closed.

Diane: “Good morning. Sorry I’m late. Just finished a wild meeting with Jeff and his team.”

Bruce: “Excuse me, Diane. Is that Jeff Robinov, President of Warner Brothers Pictures?”

Diane looks at her admin, then at Bruce: “I’m sorry. I don’t think we’ve met. You are—“

Bruce: “Bruce Kanin. Hey Diane.”

Diane (quizzically): “And which group are you with? Who’s your manager?”

Bruce: “Oh, I’m in Business Management and work for Russ. You know, in ST.”

Diane: “What?”

Bruce (chuckling): “Sorry, how would you know that? Anyway, please continue your meeting.”

Diane: “Now hold on. I don’t know who the hell you are.” She looks around the room. “Does anyone know who this guy is?”

Everyone looks at Bruce, nodding ‘no’. Bruce just smiles and waves at everyone with “Hey”, “Yo”, “Howzit goin”, “Nice tie”, “Morning”, a couple of winks, etc.

Diane (sternly): “Well, now that we’ve established that you should not be here, I’m going to ask my admin to call Security and have you removed.”

Bruce: “Well, you can’t, really.”

Diane (defiantly): “And just why not?”

Bruce: “Well, because I’m writing this, and it can go any way I want, really.”

Diane turns red.

Bruce: “Listen. I’ve attended billions and billions of these kinds of meetings. I promise - you won’t even know I’m here.”

Diane’s admin whispers to her boss: “You have your one-on-one with Jeff at 11. We’d better get moving here.”

Diane (composing herself): “OK. Well. Anyway, met with Jeff and his team to talk about the three-year plan. As everyone knows, we have two certain blockbusters on the slate in each of the next two years.” (She smiles) “I don’t think I have to mention the movies’ names. We all know them…” (chuckles as if she thinks she just made up a cute expression) “…as the globe’s finest heroes.”

Slight laughter from the room. Wally whispers to Benny: “Christ. Doesn’t she know it’s ‘World’s Finest’?”

Diane (looking in Wally’s direction): “OK, let’s keep it down there. So, between ‘Dark Knight Rises’ and ‘Man of Steel’, DC is going to blow away the competition. I mean, we all know about the last Batman movie. Did someone say ‘One Billion Dollars Plus worldwide’? Right?”

While Diane smiles like a combination of The Joker and Bizarro, people around the room nod like yes-men. Except Bruce, who just shakes his head but remains silent.

Diane: “And ‘Man of Steel’.  This will be a hands-down winner. Another ‘Dark Knight Rises’ that of course will be another ‘Dark Knight’.” She holds up a hand, like she is revealing a previously unknown fact. “Now, we all know that DC has competition and we all know that one of the competitors is…sorry, I have to say a bad word … Marvel.”

Boos are heard around the table, with some people holding their noses, some pretending to gag, and others showing a “thumbs down”. Wally does a “two thumbs down”.

Diane (gratified): “Your sentiments are well-placed. Thank you. And actually, in that light, we are, effective immediately, implementing the BTC Program.”

Steve: “Diane. BTC?”

Diane: “Thanks, Steve. I was about to explain. BTC stands for ‘Boycott the Competition’. Put simply, it means that none of us, nor our families, are to see - nor talk about - any of our competitors’ movies.”

Five people spit out their coffee.

Wally: “Well, I—“

Diane: “Hang on there, Wallace. In addition, at every opportunity, we should be urging friends and extended family – even strangers on the street – to see the new DC movies and not those of our competitors.”

There’s a collective gasp around the table.

Diane: “So tell me, no one has actually seen any of the Marvel movies? I mean, you’re all saving yourselves for ‘Dark Knight Rides Again and ‘Superman of Steel’, right?”

People look at each other and then all call out, “Yes Diane”, “Sure Diane”, “Of course Diane”, “Right Diane”, etc. Benny says, “What Marvel movies.”

Bruce: “OK. OK. I know I promised to be part of the scenery, but I just can’t anymore.”

Diane: “That’s right. You said you’d be quiet, Bruce, or whatever your name is.”

Bruce: “Well, my exact words, which I’ve just copied and pasted, were ‘You won’t even know I’m here.’ But I can no longer hold back after listening to all this bullshit.”

Diane (very annoyed): “We don’t use words like that here. And this is my meeting.”

Bruce: “Yes, but need I remind you who’s writing this? Remember?”

Diane turns beet red again.

Bruce: “Diane, first of all, I can say for sure that virtually everyone in this room has seen ‘The Avengers’. Probably more than once. And they’ve all loved it to death.”

There’s a gasp from around the table accompanied by lots of denial. Benny is overheard saying, “You mean, the TV show with Patrick Macnee and Diana Rigg”, while Jack responds with, “No, I think the movie with Uma Thurman”. Clara says to Jack, “You mean, ‘Batman and Robin’?”

Bruce (looking around the table): “Please folks, don’t play dumb, or dumber than you really are. Remember, I can copy and paste what each of you said.”

Everyone in the room shuts up.

Bruce (looking back at Diane): “Diane, ’The Avengers’ was a mega-blockbuster weeks before it hit the screen. And then at Tribeca, the lines were longer than they are in Vatican City.”

Diane: “So what? Lots of films open well.”

Bruce: “Believe me, this one will still be going strong in July when ‘Dark Knight Rises’ opens.”

Diane: “So says you.”

Bruce: “No, so says Marvel’s record. They know what the hell they’re doing. You, Diane, are clueless, as is your operation. You couldn’t even write Making Superhero Movies for Dummies.”

Another collective gasp from around the table.

Bruce: “Heath Ledger lives, and ‘Dark Knight’ is still a great movie, but doesn’t gross a Billion Dollars.”

Diane: “You don’t know—“

Bruce: “’Dark Knight Rises’. We’ll see. ‘Man of Steel’. We’ll see. And that’s coming from me, a huge Superman fan. I’ve followed Superman since well before you were a zygote. I want ‘Man of Steel’ to be the greatest Superman movie ever. And I want sequels to follow early and often. And one day a Justice League movie.”

Diane: “Well, Chris Nolan really doesn’t want—“

Bruce (holds up a hand): “Diane, with all due respect to Mr. Nolan and his successes, he’s screwed up when it comes to DC superheroes. Introducing them in their own movies and then bringing them together for a blockbuster team-up movie. Does that sound familiar?”

Diane: “Actually, no—“

Bruce stands abruptly, talking to Diane and the room: “No, of course not, because you and your cockamamie, myopic, ‘think deep inside the box’, screwed-up company haven’t done it. But Marvel has. Besides their past successes with Spider-Man and X-Men – both franchises in their own rights – and both continuing franchises, what with a Spider-Man reboot and additional X-Men-based movies – besides that we’ve had Marvel’s other heroes – Thor, Iron Man, Hulk and Captain America – all with their own hit movies – ok, Hulk was a bit uneven in that regard – but all leading up to perhaps the greatest superhero movie of all time, to date – ‘The Avengers’.”

Diane: “Well…”

Bruce holds up a hand to shush Diane: “All of these superhero movie franchises have plans going forward. Multiple Marvel movies – gosh, I love alliteration – all of’em for each of the next bunch of years, including another Avengers movie.”

Diane: “I don’t see…”

Bruce: “I know you don’t, Diane, but let me just say: DC has nothing, nada, bupkus, goose eggs, the vacuum of space - in comparison. You could have learned from Marvel, but instead you’ve chosen to take your own road into the abyss of failure and unprofitability. DC Entertainment is an utter fiasco and – an embarrassment.”

Diane (mad): “That’s not at all true! We also had, uh, ‘Superman Returns’ and ‘Green Lantern’. And ‘Jonah Hex’. And even ‘The Losers’.”

Wally stifles a laugh and Diane looks at him with heat vision eyes.

Bruce: “Funny, Diane, how you ended that list with ‘losers’. I’m surprised you didn’t mention ‘Catwoman’ and ‘Steel’.” He looks around the room, says “I think the defense rests”, and sits back in his chair.

Diane stands up, and erupts: “You think you’re so smart!? We have three blockbusters coming out. In three successive years! That’s what our three-year plan is about, and what I was coming here to tell you!” (She looks at everyone else)

Diane punches some buttons in front of her, and the view screen behind her shows a Powerpoint display entitled “DC Entertainment 3-Year Plan”. She hits another button that moves the screen to the next slide. It presents a movie promo.

Diane (smiling): “2012. ‘Dark Knight Rises’!”

Diane hits the button for a new slide and another movie promo.

Diane: “2013. ‘Man of Steel’!”

Diane pauses, beaming: “And now, presenting our next mega-blockbuster…”

Diane hits the button once more. A cobbled-together movie promo appears.

Diane (triumphant): “Presenting, in 2014. Lobo!”

Blank stares around the room. Mouths agape. Except for Steve’s coffee cup that has made a “thunk” against the carpeted conference room floor, Bob’s cell phone ringing with the Spider-Man cartoon theme, and a suspicious noise coming from the back of Wally’s chair, the room is eerily silent.

Bruce stands up, rubbing his hands together: “Well, hey, Clearview Cinemas Zigfield has an 11:30 showing of ‘Avengers’. Pretzel nuggets and popcorn’s on me. Any takers?”

There’s a pause, and then a bunch of people file out with Bruce as Diane faints and is given mouth-to-mouth by her admin.

THE END